Tech run and running the play repeatedly

Today was the tech run for the show and I feel that overall, it has given me even more food for thought regarding the show as a whole, and my part in it.

Not only did we have the set we also had full costume to work with today, which I feel really help envelop me into the world of the play. In regards to my costume, I really like the addition of the hat, as it adds to the mystery of the entrance of the characters, as well as the other-workdly quality to my line delivering. My costume is accurate to the time period and comfortable to move in, however my only concern is my coat which is heavy and quite thick, meaning tht it will keep me quite heated thoughtout the show.

I also feel that being able to use the stage again was a massive help, as it allowed me to see how much of an improvement I have made on my characterisation. I feel that I moved around the stage much better then I had the last time i was there and I feel that I had improved vocally as well, being able to project more then before. My main issue now, I feel is that I need to find new was to move in the space being as compressed as it is now, with both the characters and the actors taking up quite a bit of it.

It was also interesting having all of the sound cues and pieces of art and props onstage as it allowed a lot of us to try new things and interact with each other in new ways. For example I was given a direction to play with the set more whilst the director is talking to me upon my entrance. I felt that this was a great piece of direction as it allowed me to weight my words in a different more ethereal way and I think that it added to the other-worldly quality to the characters, and in particular, the Father. I also liked the addition of the gantry, and what it opened up for not only ashley, but for Hayden and myself as well. In our confrontation scene Hayden leaves to go up on the gantry, leaving this almost awkward space where he once was that I am now shouting at. In my opinion it adds a level of humanity to the characters that I don't think we had seen up until that point. The fact that there is a visual staging distance between myself and Hayden also gives me the emotional charge that the words need to truly feel alive something that I feel can only make the show better.

After the tech run, we have now begun to almost exclusively run the show constantly from start to finish, to really ingrain our characters into our minds, as well as to allow us the last opportunity to play with the characters that we encounter, and the stage that we inhabit. For me, I feel it is a last chance to iron out any issues that im having with my character, either vocally or physically. I've recently really taken on board jacks direction, and I have really looked at my accent and the clipping of my sounds during speech, and I feel it is coming along very well. I have now finalised a way of living in the space as well, using a slightly tightened stomach and a slightly lowered back to give off a sense of age and the sense of guilt within his being. For the performance I am now currently working on fresh minting the words and speeches every time to make it feel less repetitive and more urgent and necessary. Hopefully this will come across during the performance.

Rehearsing with set and the two younger children

Today was the day we were able to rehearse in the new theatre as well as being able to utilise some components of our set for the first time. We also had one of the young children; Fenton, there to help the character experience what it would be like with one of them on stage.

Rehearsing in the space not only helped me get a feel for it, it also helped me understand some of the notes I had previously received during other rehearsals. For instance, a note I would get quite frequently would be to look at my vocal choices. I had previously researched some typical accents of 1960's Britain and found it to be much softer yet slightly more clipped than a modern london accent. However during rehearsals jack would comment that it wasn't quite there yet, and being in the space, I could see why. The acoustics of the new theatre aren't very forgiving, compressing much of the sound within its walls, therefore making it harder to be heard. I found myself having to project a lot more, and this made it harde for me to maintain my accent. This in turn changed my depiction of the character completely as, it made my voice harsher, which impacted on my physicality, making me seem a lot more menacing rather than someone who is humbled with a sinister undertone.

Rehearsing in the space also gave me a chance to better look at my physicality and and to also understand where my character would move on stage and where he wouldn't, as well as the manner in which he would move. I found myself bobbing quite a bit in between the actors and the characters on stage, which became a bit stagnant as the rehearsal went on. I think that this is something I should tackle early on; funding new and fresh ways to move in between the points where I am not talking. I also need to find ways of delivering the lines in a way that is always fresh by finding new movements each time.

Having Fenton in the rehearsal was interesting, as I could tell it really helped both Elizabeth and Ffion get into their characters a bit more. Having one of their children their not only gave them, I think, a physical presence to work with, I think it also gave them an emotional presence to work with as well, giving them a root to which they can apply their characters emotions to. For me I found it interesting having another character there as it allowed me to focus my speech into another being. It also helped me for when I have lines referring to him or his father as it gave me a visual and therefore emotional link to it making it much more real and believable.

Text-no text-text method

Within rehearsal we have been utilising the Text-no text-Text method, established by Mike Alfreds. The method is, in my opinion, highly effective, however there are some drawbacks to using it. The method itself is fairly straight forward: we read the a scene from the play, usually in chronological order, then repeat the scene without the script in our hands, instead using our memories and our improvisation skills, to re create the scene. We then go back to the text to re-do the scene and the move onto the next one.

I feel that the advantages of this method are that, it helps develop a sense of muscle memory for that particular scene, which gives actors a better sense of their characters physicality; by improvising as them it makes it easier to move as them. I also think that this applies to the memory of the scenes key points as well, again making it easier to remember the venue and the lines, and also making it easier to improvise the scene in case something goes wrong onstage.

The downside to this exercise, however is that some actors may feel that it is more of a memory test than an improvisation, due to the given circumstances being so restricted. This makes the improvisation feel forced and therefore unhelpful. This ultimately, makes the entire exercise useless to the actor and the production.

Therefore, I feel that, although the exercise is extremely useful, this exercise should be used when the actor has fully understood their given circumstances, preferably further into the process but not too late into it.

Family improvisation exercise

A great exercise that we used today was a group improvisation with the just the characters, involving a family meal. Specifically this was the breakfast of the morning they went in search of the Director. 

The improvisation started with the Father (myself) walking into the room to set up the table and take some toast and an apple for himself. Over time the rest of the characters entered one after another, creating various dynamics between each other that I feel, really developed my understanding of the characters I interact with, as well as my own character. 

I found an almost grudging respect for The Sons intelligence in finding the venue we could try first, as well as a sickening attraction to the Steodaughter, which made it hard for my character to reprimand her too often. The dynamic between the Son and the Stepdaughter the was also interesting to watch as well; any little thing the Stepdaughter did would antagonise the Son, perhaps due to his own sickening attraction to her. Additionally the Father and Mother's relationship was also interesting to play out, as he has almost complete control over her in everything they do, the Mother having no real say in whatever was discussed and decided. She would occasionally come out with an outburst (normally regarding the wellbeing of the young children) but would be quickly silenced by the Father again. He only source of defence was from the stepdaughter, who would defend and attempt to reprimand the Father, something that would normally happen due to the Fathers inability to lecture due to their shares past.

I really enjoyed this exercise, as it provided me with crucial character development, as well as a better understanding of the characters I interact with. From his relationship with the Stepdaughter to his dynamic relationship with the Son, there was much to be gleaned from this exercise.

Diary entry 4: The family

It's been a week since they joined me and my son. And about 2 and a half weeks since..... That incident between me and her. My stepdaughter. Why Author why! Why must it be me, that you deem fit to fling this tragedy upon me! Why must my son be so distant from me, my "wife" so beautiful yet too simple to connect with the innermost sections of my soul?! And why... Why did you create this girl, this girl who happens to be my stepdaughter, why did you create her with such an alluring quality, that which no man can escape from. Including myself. 

It was never my intention for events to turn out this way, yet of course that was beyond my control from the start. It was him, our author who decreed it thus. He who created this void in me when my "wife" left me and my son grew cold in his heart. He who made the desire for female flesh, such a necessity for me.. Who led me to Madame Pace and who led me every day to fornicate with these women. I should thank him really. It's a simple transaction; what I want for what they want. And for a while it was satisfactory. Before it became necessity. And once it was necessity it was then that He thought it best to bring her into the shop. My Stepdaughter. I was sickened when I saw her. Sickened by her age compared to mine. Sickened by the fact that she was here, in this room despite the fact she was mourning. But sickened most of all, by my body. By my instinctive attraction to this young girl in a mourning dress. It made it so much more alluring for me. If her mother hadn't arrived at that time I would've..... I can't bare to think of it. But I do. Every night i remember how close we were and my blood begins to burn with the thought that I want to be that close again. This time, however I wish to be closer. 

Her mother arriving at that time saved me and fixed me in that point for all eternity. Because my conscience cannot cope with the way they have been living as of late. In such poverty they have to share a bed between the four of them. Ah yes four. I forgot about her other children; a young boy and girl. Neither of them speak, likely due to the trauma they have experienced at such a young age. The little boy is just like his father, so neek and mild. Although his lack of speech is troubling, it's almost amusing how much it makes him similar to his father. The young girl similarly doesn't speak but had a simplicity not too dissimilar to her mother. My Stepdaughter is entranced with her, always caring and cooing over her, it's incredibly annoying. Yet if I were to confront her for anything at all, she merely goes me a look and I feel that I am transported back to that room with h to and that record player. With the screen barely covering her as he took off he dress. Fixed you see? I cannot escape. And neither can the rest of them from their fate. Our only hope is to seek a new author; one that will perfect our story and not leave us in purgatory for all eternity. I only hope they will come along with me, for if they don't I fear they will keep me trapped in this eternal moment forever.

Diary entry 3: Amelia's daughter

I'm not sure entirely how this began but it's outcome is both exciting and nauseating at the same time. I have found Amelia's daughter at the local school. I am positive it is her, she carries that same carefree, pure attitude in those eyes of hers, and her hair carries the same black luster her mother has, albeit plaited down into pigtails unlike her mother. I know for certain it is her daughter, mainly due to the fact that I followed her home one day after school. I knew it had to be her and so my instinct took over. I didn't intend to. My feet suddenly seemed to move on their own. 

She noticed me a few paces back once, and I waved and smiled, trying my best to dissuade her from any kind of behaviour that would prove problematic for me. Sure enough she continued and eventually I saw their home. It was small, quaint even, yet I could sense the happiness within. Despite the size and obvious poor quality of the building it didn't seem the place for sorrow. Small flower pots lined the front window, where Amelia herself was waiting, presumably to airing for her daughter to return home. I watched as she smiled, upon seeing her daughter coming home. And watched as that smile faded and turned to a look of horror and shock when she noticed me. She ran out of her house to grab her daughter, locked her door and drew her curtains.

After that I went back to the school several times, hoping to see her daughter again. I even asked one of the school teachers to see where she was. They replied saying that she was unwell and was being kept of school for a while. I knew what that meant. Amelia was afraid she would see me again. It frustrated me that she still felt some form of anger toward me. I didn't understand it. I had done what I thought best for both myself and her, yet she only sees my selfishness in that act. She has no idea of the vid that was created when she left. The anguish I have to bear, knowing that I failed to find happiness, or provide it for her. Knowing that my son leaves me for months on end only to return to our home without a word to me. She has no idea of the struggles I have beared for her sake.

My determination was resolute. I waited at that school everyday until she returned. I kew that eventually she would. For all noble ideas, common intellect was never Amelia's strong suit. Sure enough the girl returned, some weeks later. I immediately went after her. She was tentative and apprehensive at first but I cuddled her, and presented her with a black ribbon, one from a shop i have come to.... Appreciate over these last few years. Her eyes lit up with excitement and joy. I asked if she liked it and she responded with absolute gratitude. I asked about her mother; if she was coping ok and if she needed anything. She jerked away suddenly and replied she was fine and that she had ordered her to stay away from me. She ran then, the ribbon trailing in her hand as she did. That was the last I saw of her at that school. They moved away a few days later, according to the teacher I spoke to. Fine, I thought. At least she was away from my agonies. And, more importantly, at least she was happy.

Diary entry 2: Son's 12th birthday

Today is my Son's 12th birthday. I have somehow managed to convince him to accompany me to the theatre, to watch a production of Shakespeare's As You Like It. I'm extremely surprised he has consented; he rarely comes home from his boarding school, and when he does decide to return to his home, he rarely converses with me at all, only to ask if there are any new materials in the library, or for some kind of sustenance. It is increasingly..... Annoying that he has decided to live out his days in some form of solitary confinement. I have so much to offer the boy, least of all being his father. Yet he is determined to keep his distance, possibly due to the "dismissal" of his mother as it were.

I never intended to have her leave me and him. Quite frankly her simplicity was, in my opinion, her most attractive quality besides her natural beauty. I didn't think that I would ever become tired of it. It made intellectual conversations a trial, yes, but I never expected to have her leave because of it. But then I never intended on her meeting my secretary either. Yet when they did, and when I saw that, after convincing her to help out with the business, they would develop a connection. It was exasperating, watching the two of them share a laugh, or a look or even a smile. It began to infuriate me to te point of desperation. And then it occurred to me that it was impacting on her as well. I was much more dismissive, more blunt and rude even. It wasn't fair on either of us, but certainly on her. So, after I sent my Son away, I sent her away too. To my secretary to liberate her soul as well as mine from this agony. My Son still hates me for it but I'm sure he will understand in due course.

The show is over and we have returned to this torture filled chasm that is my home. Tonight was full of surprises, however. I saw him laugh at the follies of Touchstone and even marvel at the speeches of Jacques. When we returned home he even uttered " I enjoyed that Father. It was..... Scintillating." Before he returned to his room, to begin his vigil again. I don't suppose that I will develop a relationship better then this with him. Yet this memory will remind me that somewhere, deep within our souls, there is something close to love and respect. I hope one day that we our hearts can expand enough to develop the capacity to feel that.

Diary entry 1: Meeting Amelia

Today is my first meeting with Amelia, the woman father recommended for me to see. He has been adamant that this meeting should occur and has praised and, quite frankly, ranted about her beauty and assets, to the point that in an worn out with it and can't believe that any woman could possess such a rapturous beauty. However, when I knocked on her small cottage door and, to my genuine surprise and pleasure, found the woman in front of me opening the door was a beautiful as my father had reported. But then when has my father ever been wrong eh? 

Her house was simple, simplicity in its every facet, much like herself from what I have gathered. She has been brought up well however, as she seems to make quick work with whatever household duties her father wishes her to complete. Her father seems to be very respectful and honest, two traits I and my father admire alike. He is strong in his ability to lead his household yet mild and calm in his decorum with seniors. This has clearly been passed onto his daughter, who mimics these qualities with a perfection I didn't think possible. Her long brown hair tumbles down just below her shoulders and her pale cheek is accentuated by a rosy red spot upon it, similar to the colour of her lips. She does not appear to know much about literature or industry or law or, frankly and kind of academia. The intellectual gap between us is vast yet our morals seem the same and that is what matters the most.

I like her very much I must say. We are meeting again in a fortnight where I shall be taking her to an opera, her first time going in sure. I am glad to have met her as father insisted on me doing. She seems to hold just the kind of sound moral health I have been searching for.